Sunday, April 15, 2018

swimsuits

last march i was on the beach in california looking like this




this march i was on the beach in california looking like this



putting these pictures side by side is a little painful. and to say i miss looking like this in a swim suit is an understatement:



i miss that body every day, and it makes me so sad to accept that it's gone. but i'm working every day to CHOOSE not to be sad. life overall is better now. i laugh with friends, i'm making memories with loved ones, and dating is fun. if i want to graduate college, move out, get married, have babies, and keep developing new relationships, i've got to be healthy. and that's why i'm working my booty off every day. 
   

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

disney and california

i can't ever stay away from california for long. this time i went on my typical roadtrip with my sweet friend caite. i gave her 12 hours notice and she was down to come. everyone needs a friend like that.



we also spent a day on huntington beach, and while there some cute surfers invited us out on their yacht. my mother probably had a heart attack, but hey, i'm still alive! 




a trip for the books! 

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

an email to nie nie

Hi sweet Stephanie,
It's been a minute since we've talked! Today I've been stuck inside ALL day doing homework (and some napping). I've been in desperate need for fresh air, so I came outside with my laptop and I'm now sitting on my front steps wrapped in a blanket emailing you! (my cute cat Mable is snuggled up besides me too). I just got done catching up on your blog. Life has been crazy busy! I'm still in treatment each day from 10-6 (except for Tuesdays when I usually babysit, but the kids were sick today, so I had a much needed 'free day'). I also teach dance during evenings and am in 15 credits of school (mostly online). WHEW. It's been a crazy semester! 
I'm coming up on a year (may 4th) since I last entered inpatient care. It's hard to believe I will reach a year of being IN treatment without a break. It's a little discouraging, but also very humbling. Most girls stay in treatment for 1-3 months, maybe 6 months. Although it's hard not to compare, I realize how lucky I am! There's lots of people who'd benefit from more time, they just don't have the ability or the insurance coverage to stay for more then a few months. 
This last year has been a whirlwind. I stepped out of 24 hour care in October, so these last 6 months of being somewhat on my own have also been a whirlwind by themselves. I won't lie, it's hard! I struggle with my motivation still. Somedays I just really don't want recovery, but other days I feel inspired, hopeful, and excited about a future.
After reading your blog I'm feeling excited. I want a family to road trip with someday. Also, this fresh air and listening to chirping birds is bringing my a peaceful calm feeling that everything will be okay. Thanks for your inspiration! I still look up to you and love and adore you more then you'll ever know <3 thanks for being a friend!