Monday, January 12, 2015

signing off....for now

sometimes god gives us assignments that have the potential to make us bitter.
and sometimes he asks us to go through things, and do things that we whole heartedly, do not want to do.
but that's when faith and trust comes in... he's god, and we're not, and obedience is important, no matter how resistant we want to be.
sweet friends, and readers (if you exist) i may be absent from the blog for a bit, but don't stray far, i'll be back.

my heavy happy heart

lately I find myself continually, and continually asking myself, what did i do to deserve this? What could anyone, ever do to deserve this? 
life is hard. each day i experience the same old giant battle, so all i can really do is take it day by day, and hour by hour, but even with that, it's getting old, and i'm often left feeling discouraged and entirely hopeless that my trials could ever get better, or any easier. 
it sometimes seems like I have a sad fate and like I have this unfortunate future already laid out for me and there's no way to escape it. 
i know I'm not the only one who's experienced these emotions, i'm not here saying my burdens are heavier then anyone else's, i know life isn't easy for anyone. 
as challenging as each day is, and as fed up as I am with some of my trials, i'm grateful for a testimony that's growing faster then ever, and a relationship with my Heavenly Father that's getting stronger every day. 
i'm proud of myself for using him as my support and my place of stability in the middle of the storms. 
though studying my scriptures, and saying the longest, most sincere prayers, and sticking right by his side may not solve my issues, and my obedience may not result in him he taking away my burdens, i know he's bringing me comfort, i know i'm not alone.
sometimes it's confusing, because it doesn't seem like it's even any easier with him, but i know it would be harder without him. through the daily heartache, i'm glad to know i've been blessed with much. 
elder holland gave a talk in april's general conference titled "grateful in any circumstance" 
this talk really hit home for me as he stresses the importance of not just being grateful for things, but being grateful through all things. 
gratitude isn't just about recognizing what you have, it's about your attitude towards life and your trials.
"we sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. how much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before we thank god that there is rain?"

most times it would be easiest to let  my  heavy heart get to me, and to 'limit  my gratitude based on blessings i feel i lack' i know for a fact we can all pinpoint blessings we feel we lack, and things that if we could just obtain, would make our lives much simpler, such as a skinnier body, more money, longer hair, a better style, more clothes, more popularity, ect. the list is different for everyone, but i know everyone's written up a list in their head at some point.
but no matter much heartache i experience in a day, no how much stress and anxiety i feel, no matter how much i wish i could change in my life, my heart is happy and so content when i get out of my own head and i go out and serve someone else, i feel so much peace when i sit down and remind myself what life is really about, and when i realize i have it pretty great. because at the end of the day i'm loved, and cared about, and i'm still breathing. 
i'm thankful for the friends and family i have. i'm so blessed to be surrounded by people who make life worth living. 

"when we are grateful to god in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peaces in the midsts of tribulation. in grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. in the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven's embrace."
i'm completely scatter brained, and this post is a jumbled mess, but long story short, i'm proud to say even when my heart is the heaviest, i can also find it at it's happiest. 
now enjoy this selfie of me wearing my new favorite lipstick that came in the mail last week.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

aunt of two.

last monday was an exciting one for the hill family, because finally our little maycie sage was born.

she is a little chunk, 8 pounds and 8 ounces, and my oh my i could kiss her chubby cheeks for hours on end. she's got the cutest little button nose and a full head of dark soft hair, she is the prettiest baby, to say i completely adore her would be an understatement.

it's been such an ideal week, every day after school I've gone over at my brothers house to cuddle the babe, if i'm not cuddling her because someone else is taking a turn holding her, i'm running around chasing paisley and keeping her entertained.
i've said it before and i'll say it again, being an aunt is the greatest blessing in my life, there's just something about being with these girls that brings me such a great peace, and happiness. they're so little and so innocent, and they have no idea just how loved they are, and they have no idea the effect they have on the life of their 17 year old aunt.

Friday, January 9, 2015

christmas break part 2.

the second half of my christmas break consisted of late night hot tubbing, catching up with old friends, shopping, weddings, wrestling matches, greasy hair, daily target trips, sleepovers, lots of gilmore girls, mean girls, and the fault in our stars.


Sunday, January 4, 2015

happy 14th jackson

**some old pictures of me and Jackson**

today my little brother turned 14 years old, because we had 9 o'clock church, and it was a fast sunday, my mom opted out of a birthday breakfast, so Saturday night i decided to head out and buy the kid a cinnamon roll, donut holes, and chocolate milk (the yoo-hoo brand to be specific....his favorites) and then surprise him with breakfast in bed, because with his love for food and his large appetite, i knew there was no other way he'd choose to start his birthday.

guess who loves to bake and volunteered to make the birthday cake? SURPRISE (or no surprise) it was me.

he chose for his birthday cake - a reese's cup cake...
 and would this even be an appropriate blog post of mine without me writing about something i baked and then posted 100 pictures of it all?

it's weird to think about myself when i was in 8th grade, and imagine him actually being that old (i got my first kiss when i was his age... WHAT?!)
even though he may out weigh me, and when my heels are off (and even when some of them are on) he his taller then me, he's still just my baby brother.
  maybe he does chew with his mouth open too often, and maybe he never flush's the toilet just to bug us, causing everything within a 50ft radius of the bathroom to stink.... but somehow, i can't help but love him a whole bunch.
 and did i mention this kid is an allstar when it comes to any and every sport under the sun? so jealous of his talent and determination.

thanks for always making me laugh dude.

Thursday, January 1, 2015


2014 has been a year of growth.
even though I've been faced with things more difficult then I ever thought my 16/17year old self would be able to survive through- I know this year was filled with days I'll never forget, and their memories may stay stronger then any other. I've learned a lot of important lessons that I'll carry with me the rest of my life. I'm grateful for friends and family who stuck with me through every hard day and night, and although 2014 brought a lot of deep heartache, I'm glad I can say there was days of complete happiness and bliss. 
here's some favorite photos from my year...