Thursday, March 17, 2016

"i think it's going to be okay"

paisley is generally a pretty sweet little girl but this past two sundays ago she was especially sweet and kept melting my heart over and over again. i was having really hard day, mid melt down with tears rolling down my face sweet paisley climbed onto my lap, hugged me, and whispered in my ear "i think it's going to be okay" despite my crazy overwhelming emotions, i actually smiled.
later in the day while having another major melt down paisley went to the pantry and grabbed a box of pancake mix; she then walked up to my mom and said "grammy, i need a bowl and a cup. i'm going to make courtney some pancakes" unfortunately, i wasn't so sure pancakes were going to help me; but the fact she was so eager and willing to help brought some peace to my tender heart.
she then sat down with me at the table while i cried & she ate frosted flakes. a few minutes later my dad was heading out for a drive with my little brother and asked if i wanted to join, i let him know that i was feeling tired and thought i'd nap instead. paisley instantly stood up on her chair, grabbed my hand and said "i'll go put you to bed." i thanked her and told her she could finish her cereal first. as soon as paisley finished her cereal she was quick to grab my hand and once again offer to " put me to bed" laying me down for a nap was at the top of her agenda and she wasn't going to forget.
as she led me down the stairs to my room we passed her mom, she informed her mother that "courtney is a little sleepy. i'm going to put her to bed!" once we got to my room she unmade my bed for me and surrounded me with stuffed animals, she then turned off the light and shut the door and headed back upstairs.
paisley is my rock. when i'm crying over food and eating and throwing a fit and making things difficult for my parents she'll leave her toys, come sit with me, and tell me "it's yummy!" (yes. i'm ridiculous and throw tantrums.... YIKES right?! she's the one who's acting like the 18 year old and I'M the one acting like i'm 3)

sometimes i lose sight of what i want in life. it's easy for my dreams and goals to be swallowed up in "the future" sometimes getting married and having babies of my own just doesn't motivate me because they're so distant. sometimes i feel like their hopeless and i may as well just give up.... but then there's the thought of paisley and maycie. i want to be their auntie here on this earth for as long as i get, and i don't want that time to be cut short because i don't take care of my physical body and give it the fuel it needs to survive. i don't want to be a faint memory and some photographs to those two, i want them to have REAL memories of me and with me. i want to stick around for those babies.
who knew a 3 year old and a 1 year old could give me so much power and strength!? these two are such mighty miracles to me. god is so good. and you know what? i think paisley is right. i think it's all going to be okay. i'm more and more grateful to be an aunt each day.