i feel like i need to be "special" and "different" to matter to anyone, like most girls, and boys, i'm putting myself down with constant comparison.
i get mad at myself for not being pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, ect. i feel like i'm never "enough."
i find myself constantly testing others to see what i'm worth to them, i'm finding myself making others "prove" their love towards me.
because no one is perfect, this always ends up with me being upset, and thinking i have all the evidence in the world to prove that i'm "not actually cared for" this is a hard hard feeling to cope with. what comes next when you think you're not cared for?
this week, while reading my Book Of Mormon, i kind of came to the conclusion; i've been searching for value and acceptance in all the wrong places. if we try to find love and worth IN 'the' world, it'll most likely never come.
comparing our self's to 'the' world is just setting ourselves up for a letdown. in the worlds eyes, we feel like we'll never be "enough," and the sad reality is, it's true.
and that's why we shouldn't be searching for acceptance through the world, we just won't find it there. ever.
so, if we don't find it through how many boys are asking you on dates, how many girls tell you how jealous they are of you, or how you look compared to a model, where do we go next??
simple. the Lord Jesus Christ.
we'll never find our true worth, or are true value, anywhere outside of the gospel. so come to him, come find what makes you important, valuable, and special.
i'll tell you a couple things that make me important:
1. my potential to make others happy. i LOVE to serve, i genuinely enjoy doing things to put a smile on someone else's face. if you're having a bad day and need cookies or a cupcake, let me know, because i'll be there with homemade treats asap. i believe that this makes me valuable.
2. the deep desire within my heart to be a mama. using my body to bring more children to this earth, and then raising them, and loving them, is so so pleasing to god. this makes me important.
can you picture holding your very own kid? seriously look down at your arms, imagine yourself holding your very own baby. can you imagine the love and peace you'd feel? now think of Christ holding us in his arms, we are his children. he feels that same peace and love that we imagine ourselves feeling.
to him, we are everything. we mean the world to him, isn't this enough??
i hope we all - as a generation - can stop looking in the mirror and at our phones to see how loveable we are, and to see what more we can do to increase that value. we're already enough, we've already proven ourselves important, we don't need to do any more.